INTRODUCTION AND MY WHY
Well helloooooo. It’s been a hot second (or a casual five months) since I’ve been around Instagram or any social media for that matter… it has honestly been a super needed break and I don’t know if or when I will rejoin the gram. A quick intro for those of you who mainly come here for photo viewing, my name is Emily Jane and my husband, Xavier, and I have been wedding photographers for 6 years, married for 5 years, foster parents for 15 months, and 24/7 quarantine buddies for 13 months. We became licensed foster parents in 2019 (after an insane whirlwind of God moving on our hearts and breaking down our safety nets) and then in January of 2020, we met our first placement “girly”. We are licensed for 3 kids and requested no medical placements, so getting placed with one medically fragile child was a real shock to our expectations. A few weeks after our first call, we had a second medically fragile child placed with us for two weeks. For someone who hates hospitals, needles, doctors appointments, medical talk, and nearly passes out at the sight of anything gross, it’s been quite the experience.
All that to say, it is foster care awareness month again and while I’m not planning on committing to a set number of prompts or posts, it has been on my mind a lot lately as I’ve thought about how much has changed after since last May.
I started out with such optimism, such hope that I could do the right things and, even though I would have never said it out loud, I thought if we did everything correctly, we could somehow control the outcome. I wanted to run the race well, see girly returned to a happy home, and feel like I had done *something* right. I wanted to treat the workers kindly, have great relationships with the parents, and see people who were passionate about helping kids come together to work as a team.
As dear Anne of Green Gables says, “I can’t help flying up on the wings of anticipation, it’s as glorious as soaring through a sunset. Almost pays for the thud.”
We have thought we were approaching a finish line for this case twice now, only to have it moved into the foggy future. While I agree that everyone needs a bit more time for the transition, it is exhausting and draining on a level I never imagined. But even though I haven’t found the finish line or steps 1-10 that will fix the foster care system, I have found how immensely faithful Jesus is through this insane journey. I’m realizing more and more that the brokenness of this world runs deeper than anything any human can fix… that MY brokenness runs deeper than I ever imagined. There is no judge, worker, or parent that can fix the foster care system and the problems that cause it to be necessary. But Jesus isn’t asking me to fix them. He continues to ask me for obedience every day in little things that I don’t *feel* like doing. He gives me daily, minute by minute bread and strength for what He is calling me to and He does not leave me alone. He reminds me of my new name every time I see my old sin trying to claim me.
My “why” has changed a lot in the last two years – right now my why is because this is where I know God has me today.
Interested in foster care or have questions about the process? Leave me a comment or email me anytime.